No Day For Heroes
by ChampagneTasteBeerMoney
Summary: A Glee AU oneshot where Sam and Mercedes have an interesting take on grocery shopping.


"You brought the list?" Sam asked Mercedes, grabbing a green shopping cart from one of its rows. He looked back and forth while Mercedes put her purse on the seat meant for the babies to sit in. She waved the memo paper in his face lightly and tried to read Sam's chickenstratch handwriting.

"Bread, eggs, milk, Hamburger Helper..."

"I like the cheeseburger one. I hope they have those."

"...Cold cuts? We're out already?" She made an accusatory look at Sam and he steered his face away, scratching his neck. Guilty. Mercedes sighed and shook her head.

"Sorry, babe! You know I love sandwiches."

Mercedes scanned the supermarket as they picked up their items, checking out the crowd. It was a Monday morning so basically there were just housewives thankfully without their children. No security guards. For this to be the only grocery store within a 5 mile radius of the neighborhoods of the county, that was a little strange. They were in a sleepy Ohio town, so she guessed they wouldn't prepare themselves for anything unexpected. Fools. Sam looked up at the cameras and pulled the rim of his baseball cap lower around his eyes.

Their cart was almost full of things from their shopping list and more when an interesting item caught Sam's eye on a 'Hot Sale!' endcap.

"Babe, look!" Mercedes jumped, reaching inside her Fendi. He pointed to a package of sandwiches cut in the shape of mustaches with a big grin. Mercedes rolled her eyes and huffed.

"You know you can't just yell like that for no reason, Sam." She muttered to him, snapping the clasp shut.

"I know but..._Cruststaches!" _He brought the one of the wheat bread PB&J's to his face and wiggled his nose above it before tossing it into their cart of food. Mercedes let a snort escape when she was trying to be mad at Sam, but that never worked for very long. The couple got into line and Sam eyed the cameras in the corners of the walls again. He nudged Mercedes and she put her hair in her beanie. They were fourth to the register.

"Hey, how many plates do we have left?" Sam asked without making eye contact with Mercedes.

"Three or four."

"What states?" Third to the register.

"New York, Vermont...and I think Maine and Utah. Definitely Maine."

"You want to see the Empire State Building?" Sam took a second to grin at Mercedes, before they were second to the register. Mercedes took a deep inhale and clutched her purse, pushing the cart back and forth.

"You ready to start the show?" Sam whispered loud enough for just Mercedes to hear.

"Count off." Mercedes answered. Before he started, Same craned down to give her a sweet kiss that they'd both be tasting for weeks. Sam savored the flavor of Mercedes' lip gloss and suckled on her bottom lip. He never knew when it would be their last time.

"Three..." Sam reached into the sides of his jeans.

"Two..." Mercedes gripped the shopping cart and got on her mark.

"One."

Mercedes' Air Jordans were put to the test as she ran like she had a purpose towards the doors with the unpaid for food. When the people of the store were distracted by his partner, Sam made a celebratory whoop and swung both of his guns around his fingers before firing into the air. The people in the store screamed and hit the ground while some of the dust from the ceiling fell on their heads. Sam went to the front of the store and shot out the security cameras. When he saw that Mercedes made it to their Winnebago without pause, he started the scene with his classic southern charm and Hollywood charisma.

"Good morning, everyone!" He greeted sweetly, still clutching both guns. "My name is Nashville and I am here to take advantage some of your small-town hospitality. Now, this will be quick and this will be painless if everyone cooperates. So, please, please don't get any ideas because," He cocked his gun and fired at a window. The glass shattered and women hollered. "I will kill you and I won't like it...Well, maybe I will. Just a little." He made a perfect grin and strutted down the aisle, enjoying his power.

"This is no day for heroes. So just everyone stay down and stay quiet." Sam put the tip of the gun to his lips and shushed a whimpering old woman.

"Cashiers, please stand!" He ordered. Five people popped up immediately near the registers all of them crying.

"If ya'll would be so kind, put all of the money in the registers into the plastic bags please!" The jingle of the change was heard when the registers opened. Sam paced the floor askew with broken glass, watching the employees' shake when bagging the money with haste. Suddenly, he ran to the office, remembering that there was probably a safe in there. Sam kicked open the door for fun and saw the manager near a phone, quaking with fear. Sam was giddy when he saw that he was going to be able to put his weapon to use.

"No! No!" Sam said incredulously. His empty green eyes glazed over with maniacal joy. "You're not going to call the cops, are you Will?" He caught a peak at the man's name tag. He was probably the manager.

"Look, Will, I'm sorry but you know the rules..." Sam shook his head and pointed the gun in the direction of innocent man. He raised his hands and cried loudly, face wet with tears.

"Please, don't!" Sam backed out of the room for a second to check on the cashiers. The plastic bags were full. It was time to wrap this up. He cocked his beretta, aiming for the chest. The man deserved an open casket.

"I-I have a family!" He shouted desperately, trying to evoke some humanity in Sam. Instead, the side of his lips pulled a toothless smirk and said, "Don't we all?"

Sam shot William Schuester four times. The red of the blood colored his crisp white shirt beautifully. The dead man fell against the computer and Sam shot the safe open. After grabbing the store's deposit money, Sam pulled the safety on his gun and snatched the plastic bags from the cashiers hands one by one. Ironically, they all had the logo "Have a nice day!" with a smiley face.

"Thank you all for making this a successful robbery! Have a nice day!" He called to the victims, flying out the store and into his mobile home that was parked on the curb of the opening. He jumped into the passenger seat and Mercedes sped off.

* * *

After putting the guns and the food away, they made their tracks to New York.

Mercedes asked Sam a normal question for them, "Did we kill anyone?" Sam answered but his cough disguised what he said. "What?" Mercedes said.

"...One." Sam grumbled lowly. Mercedes groaned loudly and rolled her eyes. She knew Sam liked to play with lives, especially defenseless ones but it still hurt her heart to think that maybe he didn't have one his own.

"Sam!"

"He was gonna call the cops, babe!" Mercedes huffed and shook her head.

"Here," Mercedes motioned for Sam to take the wheel. Sam got into the driver's seat while Mercedes went to go think. He drove for a couple of hours before finding a camp area off I-95. Sam parked in an area surrounded by shrubbery and a lake. When he found Mercedes she was at the stove, cooking the Hamburger Helper meal he loves so much. Mercedes felt some strong arms latch around her waist and soft lips on her neck.

"I'm sorry, honey." Sam whispered. "I'll really try next time. I promise."

"_Everyone_ calls the cops, Sam. That's why we can never stay in one place too long." Mercedes reminded him, frustrated.

"I know. Watch babe, once we get enough money to put us up, we'll go wherever you want. We can go to the islands!" Mercedes smiled to herself. Sam always had big dreams for them.

"Get a house near the beach..." He whispered into her black tresses. "Sit in the sun everyday..." One hand massaged her side while the other turned off the heat of the stove. "Make love in the sand every night..."

"Mm, I'd like that."

"It'll be paradise. We just have to wait for it a little longer, is all." Mercedes pivoted in Sam's arms and surprised him with a deep kiss.

"What if I want a little paradise right now?" Sam smiled into his partner's lips as she helped him walk backwards to their couch. Being stopped by his calves, they fell down onto the leather sofa as Mercedes straddled his waist. He held her hips above his and ground into her softly. Mercedes mewled into his mouth and rocked on his lap. Sam's length started to become erect and Mercedes stood to take off her leggings.

Teasing him, she slowly rolled down one leg bending all the way to her feet and did the same for the other. Sam quickly discarded of his black Henley and the shirt took his baseball cap with it. Sitting back on top, Mercedes rocked in a steady rhythm on Sam. His kisses were hungry, letting his tongue make a mess inside her mouth. In one swift motion, Sam rolled her onto her back. His hand slid past the elastic of her panties and pressed a digit inside her. Mercedes' back arched and Sam felt her closing up. It was time for two fingers.

"Come on, get wet for me babe." Mercedes rode one hand while the other forced it's way underneath her bra cup. He rubbed her thick nipple then squeezed the whole breast, provoking Mercedes to groan louder. "Do you wanna come this way? Huh, baby?" He growled, their faces becoming closer together before he gave her a sloppy smooch. When she reached her high, he slowly cradled her back down to earth with him.

Sam sat on his knees and unbuckled his belt. Mercedes slid her panties around her ankles and Sam pounced on her. Wasting no time, he made his way inside her walls perfectly without much effort. He spent enough time making himself fit to make her vagina practically custom made for him. He dove into her slowly, then picking up speed. She clawed at his back, forcing him to go faster.

"You want this dick, don't you baby?" He gritted, trying not to make any embarrassing sounds.

"Yes!"

He looked down and watched her bounce on him. Mercedes wrapped her arms around his neck and licked his neck. His eyes crossed as some supernatural possession was undertaking him. He pounded her until the whole Winnebago shook like it was transforming into a decepticon. The orgasms for both people were completely blinding. Sam collasped onto Mercedes as she was in a fit of drunken laughter. He got the strength to put his arms around her body and squeeze her close. She played in his hair as he listened to her heartbeat descend.

"Mercedes?" He spoke quietly. He always called her by her name when he was trying to be serious.

"Hmm?"

"...You know you're my heart, right?" Mercedes paused for a moment because she never heard him say that before. He continued, "I know what we do ain't good and it ain't right, but I like it. Hell, I love it but you-I know you have second thoughts 'bout killing people and robbing. But I never do. It's always you that makes me think about that stuff, y'know? You always get me thinking straight and keep me remembering that not everyone is bad and not everyone is gonna turn on me. You make me more human."

Sam's speech brought tears to Mercedes' eyes and he kissed them away. Sam was a psycho and Mercedes was in love with him. There was nothing else to do or say. Mercedes would follow him anywhere. She officially proclaimed herself dead to her family and friends. She lived for Sam and vice-versa. According to her favority fairytales, this is exactly how it should be.

"You're my heart, Mercedes."


End file.
